Larry loses to the analyst

Taking into account the fact that Google is actually owned by millions of greedy shareholders who continually clamour for the share price, interest and dividends to be ‘massaged’ to make them rich I often wake up after a nightmare in which the following conversation occurs:

A phone rings and a voice answers saying; “Larry here how can I help you?”

The caller, a stock analyst (let’s call him Dick) for a large international brokerage firm, is known to Larry as a particularly nasty specimen of mankind who, unlike Larry and Sergey has never tried to “Do no evil”!

The conversation is short and nasty:

Analyst: “Larry, you and your team need to massage those numbers up again – I have a number of large institutional investors looking to move their money into higher yielding tech stocks and the loss of hundreds of billions in investment stock will hurt your company big time.”

Larry: “As you know Dick we have a number of long term projects in the pipeline which will contribute to stability and long term profits for all investors.”

Analyst: “Larry, our clients are only interested in short to medium term profits and I want you to accelerate this “Pay to Display” product that you have on Google.”

Larry: “As you are aware, Dick, we give free rankings to web sites that play our game properly and those web sites that have the highest number of other web sites linking to them are the ones that appear on the first page of any search done by people looking for that business or knowledge source.”

Analyst: “So you are telling me that you spend billions of stockholders dollars on giving traffic away to other web sites?”

Larry: “Umm, well, it doesn’t really work like that ….”

Analyst: “I certainly looks like a real airy fairy way of doing business. Remember Larry, business is about profit and not charity. That is why we hire expensive PR firms to tell the sheeple about those minuscule amounts you spend on the bloody ‘community’ – at least that way we get more publicity than if we had to buy space in the traditional media!”

Larry: “But, Dick, you have to see our inclusion of the linking factors as a way of advertising our superior searching services as well?”

Analyst: “Larry, my dear boy, there comes a time when you have to say enough and stop giving stuff away and that time is now in 2014.”

Larry: “So what would you suggest we do Dick?”

Analyst: “You need to stop ranking people on links – it uses up too many resources. The way I see it you can do one of two things: Remove the linking factors entirely from the algorithm and rank based on the use of Google Plus / YouTube and other Google products ONLY or leave the link ranking factors in the algorithm and charge each and every web site that wants to get traffic an annual set fee per link – that way we will get all the money that those clowns are spending on other bloody clowns trying to game our (Google’s) system.”

Larry: “But isn’t that little evil, Dick?”

Analyst: “Of course Larry – war is evil but those who are MOST evil win the war, now go on and win that bloody war for us Larry!”

Larry: “Yes, Dick!”

What will YOU do if the above conversation becomes a reality?