Alan Straton, You Have Hurt My Feelings

Some minor fame for moi when a nameless gentleman penned an ‘ode’ to my savaging of his pithy words:

Alan Straton is a man with a website. MYPE, he calls it. T’other day, he saw fit to publish my Valentine poem ( to Councillor Deano…in edited form! I contacted him and he seemed to believe me to be in jest – he went as far as mocking my surname, describing it as a ‘non (sic) de plume’. You go too far Strapon.

Rather upset, I responded to him thus;


Dear Mr. Strapon,

Despite the fact that the majority of your website is filled with trifling nonsense, excessive information regarding your most hum-drum of personal lives and a propensity to kneel at the feet of any DA councillor who pays you more than a passing regard…I will be using you as a vehicle to publish my cutting attacks on the establishment.

No man will be granted sanctuary from my scything prose. No man will sleep soundly without shivering at the prospect of a viscous poem awaiting him in his inbox. No man, Strapon. Not one.

Port Elizabeth has been allowed to slumber for too long. Bellies have become round. Minds have become blunt. Pink shirts have become acceptable attire.

Fear me, Strapon, for I am everything this town’s media is not. I am,

R. Dagless. MD.

PS: If you ever allow my communications to be edited again, I will abduct your dog and shave him savagely.

PPS: Please also tell Dean I am hurt that he would make my Valentine poem public.

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